You can wipe your feet on me, twist my motives around all you like, you can dump milestones on my head and drown me in the river, but you can't get me out of the story. I'm the plot, babe, and don't ever forget it.

-Margaret Atwood, Good Bones

I did not write this:

Broken Poet

Remember, i was a broken poet
holding on to the drama of life in the doldrums
you were a strong lover
in both heart and muscle
you could have been my mother
for all those tears you caught

Remember, i was a fucked up writer
more depressed than inspired
you were sick and tired 
of all that i cried 
and our lion fire
musta surely suffered from the rain


Tanya Davis 2008

a small poem

you are playdoh, smooshed into the carpet of my heart 

a wine stain on my couch

i'll pretend I tried to scrub out 

tiny moments

why do tiny moments haunt us
more than speeches
sand paper fingertips, on my forehead in the dark
cranberries tainted with second-hand smoke

i'm choking on milk
it spills all over your mom's spaghetti
from laughter
we eat it any ways

and why do you haunt me
you were a tiny moment in this life
a friend
lingering in my mind like a lover, abandoned

your penmanship
explosive on my closet walls
and everyone we'd meet
would swear that we were sisters

a distant muse of distant art,
your tiny moments
close to my heart

small late night poem

nothing better than waking up dehydrated,
feeling around on the bedside table
and finding a cup
half full
but
what if
that cup were half empty?
sitting there on the bedside table,
and when you woke up so parched, it just wasn't enough?

Happy Hanukkah

(Hanukkah means more to the non-Jewish when their in love with a Hebrew soul)

Called to tell her "Happy Hanukkah."
she slurred back to me,
"Oh is it? Well thank you for giving me a reason to be drunk"

Leonard Cohen "Old Ideas", Toronto, Ontario

        Tonight could not have been more perfect. Leonard's voice has only grown more golden with age and I am truly blessed to have witnessed the magic in that concert hall...his knees buckling-the passion still present in his eyes now drooping, mostly hidden by his infamous hat. My beautiful mother to my right, smiling and clapping, silently enjoying. From my eyes tears were streaming, my heart heavy with meer satisfaction. The swaying bodies of the elderly-their fingers intertwined with their loved one's. I am but a young fan, hopelessly devoted, while they are likely- life long lovers,saying goodbye to the waltzes once shared to his records. Four hours I'd been longing for, I can not ask for anymore-just memories of melodies upon that stage. Proof that beauty comes with age.

"Old Ideas"

At last! Tomorrow is the day I've been waiting so very patiently for...Leonard Cohen's "Old Ideas" performance in Toronto at the Air Canada Center. My grandma managed to score me some beautiful seats and I will be attending with my mother-escorted by my father:) I'm not sure if my heart is completely prepared for what is going to happen to it tomorrow night. The reviews have been absolutely phenomenal so far...three hours of glorious music with such a legendary man. The tears will be flowing...this I can promise you.

Greetings from our Home to Yours

Friends

"But I want to surround myself with crooked views and soft ground, to lay my head without making a sound that would break ear drums and pull away from the crowd" - Church, a flu season

http://gotochurch.bandcamp.com/

a small poem

you are
on a city bus
trying to pick up a quarter
trimmed your nails last night
why did you do that
a minute has passed
you leave the quarter
for someone else

Name Totem

            I have been practicing a guided meditation in search of my name totem (pagan) for the past couple days...the meditation leads you through the dark trunk of a tree, exploring the inner veins and arteries of the trees's body. I was lead out through a tunnel into a meadow where I sat for a while on a rock that had been carved into a chair. I sat there as the wind and the water whispered my name, releasing powerful energies. In the past I have heard my name shouted, spoken in anger, in love, in desperation...but now it was if I was hearing my name for the first time, giving it a whole new meaning. After sitting in concentration for several minutes, I explored the land, making note of physical details and waiting for my animal totem to become apparent to me. I heard my name spoken  in a strong whisper coming out of tall array of pine trees-when out of the forest came a moose, strong and graceful. I looked at it for only a moment, and then it was gone. After spending a few more moments concentrating on the moose, trying to bring the image back to me in the hope of asking it a few questions it did not return. Until I got up from the stone-chair, making my way back to the opening in the tree to return back to reality. In the entrance to the tunnel once again was the moose. I believe that this confirms the moose is my animal totem, since I saw it twice, and there were no other animals present in the meadow as far as I was aware.

          After awakening from the meditation, I was curious as to what it meant to have a moose as an animal totem so I did some research online. This is what I came across, and found very accurate and empowering. I have numbered the phrases in the explanation that I found exceptionally accurate when referring to my personal self and my interpretation can be found below.

Giant dweller of forest and marsh-land, I face a time of uncertainty. Fill me with your confidence, your wisdom. Teach me when to speak and when to be silent. Help me find a point of balance and harmony That success may be mine in honor.

Self-Esteem, 1) Primal Feminine Energies Moose is one of the most ancient of the power totems.    A Moose totem gives you sacred and unique energy.  With a Moose totem you will be full of 2)contradictions.  3)Awkward yet graceful.  Large yet able to move swiftly and silently.  Moose people usually have excellent depth perception.    Moose is also associated with the maternal forces of the world, the primal feminine energies.  This can be awaken through 4)water or the sea, the womb of life.  Mediate using the sounds of water or ocean.  5)Autumn is the power time of the Moose.  People with a Moose totem instinctively know balance: 6)when to use gentleness, when to use strength.  They know what to say, when to say it and to whom.  Moose people are usually 7)wise beyond their years. _____________

Interpretation:
1) I have always had primal feminine energies, attracted to the beating hearts of women, fulfilled by the image of a pregnant woman or the innocence and naivety of a young girl.

2)Often accused of hypocrisy, my opinions often contradict my actions- I have always been an extremist...and hard to pin in general due to my flaky opinions and ever-changing interests

3)Self explanatory if you've ever encountered me in day-to-day life.

4) The animal totem guided mediation focuses on the person's name..my name is Morgan and the meaning of my name is as follows:
-Bright sea, dwells near the sea (Celtic)
-Fighter of the sea (Irish)
-Lives by the water( Shakespearean, Welsh)

5) I am a Libra, born on October 2nd- in the fall, I am at my strongest and most confident self during the autumn months. (not to mention I look good in fall colours and layers)

6) I pride myself on good judgment- the ability to handle most situations in ethical ways-defending myself when necessary.

7)I have a wide array of life-experience for a 19 year old...I have learned a lot of lessons through my own mistakes and successes, as well as those of my loved ones. I retain advice and learn from everything that touches me.

             This is just my personal interpretation of the moose as my animal totem. I found it exceptionally interesting and would recommend this meditation to anyone that is even remotely interested in the concept. It really opens up your mind to spiritual possibilities and if anything a better understanding of your self...can't really go wrong:)

Morgan

Meditation

Find myself addicted to meditation...I have downloaded several deep meditations and will be experimenting with different ones over the next couple weeks. The list is as follows:

-Native American Flute and Shamanic Drumming (unguided meditation)
-Discover your Spirit Guide (shamanic journey)
-Deep Relaxation (shamanic drumming, unguided meditation)
-Fulfill Your Heart's Desires (guided meditation)
-Cosmic Love (guided meditation)
-Create your dream life (hypnosis)
-Secret Attractions (guided meditation)
-Discover your name totem ( pagan, guided meditation)
-Connect with your Guardian Angel ( guided mediation)


So far I have dipped into the first two on the list...and am planning on spending more time with them this week. I have found the shamanic drumming exceptionally powerful and have been doing some research on shamanic journeys for a literature presentation tomorrow. I need to strengthen my ability to deeply concentrate in order to get as much as possible from my mediation. After a few sessions of "Discovering my Spirit Guide" I was able to make out what he looked like physically, but still felt like I was merely having a conversation with myself. After doing some research I understand this is normal, the phenomenon of feeling like you are "making up" a journey. However I am told this is not a negative thing but a positive- which will ultimately lead to a deeper understanding and more successful meditation.

I will be keeping my readers posted as a continue on this journey and would love to hear feedback and maybe even shared experiences regarding meditations. Suggestions for other meditations are highly welcome so please share!

gripping

torturous tales are told as I sleep:
you face the back of the couch
and it's clear you are only half there
all my mind will give me is your
hair through my fingertips
freckles
a whisper
shouting words I hate to hear
but it's barely a nightmare
you're barely there
but i'm still gripping

Two Broke Girls Costume

My friend Lynsey and I on Halloween dressed as Max and Caroline from Two Broke Girls.
She made the costumes:
-Dress (H&M, 14.95)
-Aprons (Table cloth)
-Jewellery(Value Village)
-Lipstick (Cover Girl)

Wednesday and Raven

a quiet rant ( I lied, I am vocalizing the ups and downs)

You apologize for speaking in your native language but I wish you'd never stop
that Hebrew rolling off your tongue, it makes me dizzy with desire-overwhelmed and alive
as you gossip and clarify translations, emotions, vibrations
I pick up your accent accidentally-in a silent attempt to adopt the adorable nature of broken-English
you accuse me of "smiling hard" and I blush as you rush to correct the mistake of your flattery
you know that it hurts me this back and forth bribery to stay and to leave
and you love it
you'd rather I didn't
naive and at ease
second best as I rest
my head down on your pillow I hold in my pee, so I don't let you free

I'm happy because I am stupid

a small poem

Now I know her last name
I am in this far too deep- I know
when she wants a cigarette-I know
where she goes to sleep

a small poem

Drunk breath on my neck
in my series of nightmares
I fear they transfer
from my body to hers