Rant

I miss having to prove myself. I miss staying up all night bleeding my heart out to someone i'm just starting to know. I miss the feeling of not holding back...Now I know better not to scare people away, or let them toss me into a pool of similar-to-me depressed low lifes with good intentions and heavy hearts. I miss lying on a couch in someone else's basement being totally innocent but yet still afraid. Afraid of what I know will happen, afraid of what I know won't happen, afraid of a parent's step on the stair, spying on our harmless actions. I miss my heart racing and wanting and needing. I miss passion, WHERE IS MY PASSION? I wanted to leave, I wanted to know things I wanted to feel things and I'm feeling them now. I'm feeling them all but i'm feeling the loss of so many others. I miss trying, I miss being patient and I miss putting effort into my relationships. But I don't miss the hurting, I don't miss the betrayal and I don't miss the confusion. I guess I really don't know what I miss.

crying in a hotel room
at some point
during the night
I looked to her for words
and all she gave me were these:
"I lost faith in you a long time ago Morgs"
(made me feel like dying)

a poem by me

Ignorance
is tiny leaves
burning them
while "saving trees"
but ignorance
is writing this
I'm quite aware
i'm full of shit

Plea

If you want to have a cigarette
on your porch
at night time,
that's fine
but by all means
don't stare at me while I cook spaghetti
in a sun dress
or make toast
in my underwear

biting salt off pretzels
too snowy to step foot outside
and my shoelace broke
on my burgundy boot
and my microwave
blew a fuse
or something
it smells like smoke
and won't turn on
I wish I had a television
I wish I had a heart
If I only had a heart