Rant

I miss having to prove myself. I miss staying up all night bleeding my heart out to someone i'm just starting to know. I miss the feeling of not holding back...Now I know better not to scare people away, or let them toss me into a pool of similar-to-me depressed low lifes with good intentions and heavy hearts. I miss lying on a couch in someone else's basement being totally innocent but yet still afraid. Afraid of what I know will happen, afraid of what I know won't happen, afraid of a parent's step on the stair, spying on our harmless actions. I miss my heart racing and wanting and needing. I miss passion, WHERE IS MY PASSION? I wanted to leave, I wanted to know things I wanted to feel things and I'm feeling them now. I'm feeling them all but i'm feeling the loss of so many others. I miss trying, I miss being patient and I miss putting effort into my relationships. But I don't miss the hurting, I don't miss the betrayal and I don't miss the confusion. I guess I really don't know what I miss.