Constants

     As mentioned in my previous post I have been struggling with some changes in my life...while adapting to these changes, I haven't been feeling like myself and I haven't been happy. Because of my reaction to this, I feel as though I am resisting the change and ultimately denying growth. I am going to try a couple methods in the next week to see if anything helps these negative feelings I've been having. 

     I am dedicating tonight to "constants"...things that I feel ground me, remind me who I am and make me feel more at home. Despite my extreme feelings I haven't been inspired to write any poetry, so I am writing in journal style for you today as a way to let things out. 

Constants in my life:

1) Tidying my room

        when I tidy my room I come across items that remind me who I am, gifts from close friends, old notes, photographs, favourite books...tonight I came across my "worry dolls" -which are an old comfort for me:

2)Lighting Candles

       Really any candle is comforting but right now I am enjoying the familiarity of my "maple sugar" candle because it reminds me of my old apartment.

3) Spending time with a pet

       My turtle always makes me feel better, and brings me back down to earth if i'm feeling lost- the idea of silent company is a real comfort and something I enjoy as a constant in my life.

4)Beautifying

      When I'm not feeling like myself I find it helps to put on clothes that you feel represent you...a favourite band t-shirt, favourite pair of jeans. Tonight I have my "Magic Sweater" on...which everyone close to me knows is a constant of mine. I also like to spend some time doing my makeup and hair in a way that is familiar to me so that I feel good about myself even if i'm spending the night in.

5)Finally I like to talk to someone I love...as if nothing had changed. It is good to talk about things that are going on presently but when you are going through a big change sometimes it's nice to just talk. Talk about things that you would normally talk about-gossip about people you both know and act as if it hasn't been a while since you've since that person.

So tonight I will be trying all of these strategies...while the rest of the students go to "First Blast" a huge party on campus to kick off the school year. Some would say this is a typical scenario for a recluse, but I really just need tonight to regroup so that I can have a better day tomorrow and hopefully feel better about myself and my surroundings come next week.