haiku for you

stair-case memories
you escape inside the door
explosive laughter

a small poem

moisturize your elbows dear
and watch the morning news
do not speak a word my dear
endure the midnight blues

for people come
and people go
and from this sadness
you will grow

"It takes courage to enjoy
the hardcore and the gentle"
-Bjork

First five empowering songs in my i-tunes

 1.  212 - Azealia Banks
 2. Take on Me- A-HA
 3. Happiness by the Killowat- Alexisonfire
 4. You're Gonna love again- Avicii
 5. Okay I believe you but my Tommy Gun Don't- Brand New

My Morning Jacket

"Simple little bookworm, buried underneath
Is the sexiest librarian
Take off those glasses 
And let down your hair for me"

a small poem

heart racing beauty;
my distant distraction

painfully shy

Constants

     As mentioned in my previous post I have been struggling with some changes in my life...while adapting to these changes, I haven't been feeling like myself and I haven't been happy. Because of my reaction to this, I feel as though I am resisting the change and ultimately denying growth. I am going to try a couple methods in the next week to see if anything helps these negative feelings I've been having. 

     I am dedicating tonight to "constants"...things that I feel ground me, remind me who I am and make me feel more at home. Despite my extreme feelings I haven't been inspired to write any poetry, so I am writing in journal style for you today as a way to let things out. 

Constants in my life:

1) Tidying my room

        when I tidy my room I come across items that remind me who I am, gifts from close friends, old notes, photographs, favourite books...tonight I came across my "worry dolls" -which are an old comfort for me:

2)Lighting Candles

       Really any candle is comforting but right now I am enjoying the familiarity of my "maple sugar" candle because it reminds me of my old apartment.

3) Spending time with a pet

       My turtle always makes me feel better, and brings me back down to earth if i'm feeling lost- the idea of silent company is a real comfort and something I enjoy as a constant in my life.

4)Beautifying

      When I'm not feeling like myself I find it helps to put on clothes that you feel represent you...a favourite band t-shirt, favourite pair of jeans. Tonight I have my "Magic Sweater" on...which everyone close to me knows is a constant of mine. I also like to spend some time doing my makeup and hair in a way that is familiar to me so that I feel good about myself even if i'm spending the night in.

5)Finally I like to talk to someone I love...as if nothing had changed. It is good to talk about things that are going on presently but when you are going through a big change sometimes it's nice to just talk. Talk about things that you would normally talk about-gossip about people you both know and act as if it hasn't been a while since you've since that person.

So tonight I will be trying all of these strategies...while the rest of the students go to "First Blast" a huge party on campus to kick off the school year. Some would say this is a typical scenario for a recluse, but I really just need tonight to regroup so that I can have a better day tomorrow and hopefully feel better about myself and my surroundings come next week.

Changes

 My room is pink and crowded, my turtle is happier than ever and the ladies just love him.
People have been treating me like gold-letting me drink their beer and showing me where my classes are. I wonder how things are going to pan out but I'm not putting much thought into anything- trying to live in the present. I'm procrastinating on getting my student I.D, gym membership and text books. It will all happen eventually. I slept in and missed my program orientation this morning, instead I watched t.v all morning with the boys ( something that is quite unusual for me but I enjoyed it none the less).

holla if you hear me

Deleting someone off every social media to eliminate the chance of contact/conversation/confrontation-deleting a contact to avoid drunk texts exposing sober feelings. Applauding yourself for your bravery, self respect and independence-"sooo over it" only to find yourself driving by their house 3 times a day to see who's car is in the drive way- a honk and smile, a shout and a finger-stuck straight out the window and high in the air- well how does this show you don't care?