Wednesday and Raven

a quiet rant ( I lied, I am vocalizing the ups and downs)

You apologize for speaking in your native language but I wish you'd never stop
that Hebrew rolling off your tongue, it makes me dizzy with desire-overwhelmed and alive
as you gossip and clarify translations, emotions, vibrations
I pick up your accent accidentally-in a silent attempt to adopt the adorable nature of broken-English
you accuse me of "smiling hard" and I blush as you rush to correct the mistake of your flattery
you know that it hurts me this back and forth bribery to stay and to leave
and you love it
you'd rather I didn't
naive and at ease
second best as I rest
my head down on your pillow I hold in my pee, so I don't let you free

I'm happy because I am stupid

a small poem

Now I know her last name
I am in this far too deep- I know
when she wants a cigarette-I know
where she goes to sleep

a small poem

Drunk breath on my neck
in my series of nightmares
I fear they transfer
from my body to hers

I did not write this:

One of my favourite poems by Tanya Davis...heart-breakingly relevant

Ravish your lover while you still love her
"(this poem is) to my lovers who were once the suns in my skies: i am sorry that i never ravished you enough and that there is nothing to be done about the passing of time"

remember your lovers
but, especially, don't forget them, while they are in your bedroom
with their hair dishevelled and their clothes strewn
make sure you notice them as they stand before you
as there they lie
tell them that you're touched a thousand times
of every inch take a picture with your unabashed eye
because this will change, as pictures fade, so love does die

smell your lovers, their wide open skin
like bare shoulders, before toast, in the morning
pheremones will be what you don't know you miss
when you're standing beside x's
feeling suddenly nostalgic
could be soap, could be freshly-washed clothes
most likely its the mix of hidden chemicals
the silent scent
that perfumers will never get
but you will remember it
long after love goes

hold your lovers close
as you are drifting off, sharing oxygen and oxytocin both
memorize the napes of their necks, the crooks of their wrists, the way their breathing rises and falls
knees get cuddled only in one kind of spot
and they will miss this once the spoon is gone
like you will miss the puzzle when you don't get to be a part
and, so, while you are
with your limbs entangled in ways that warm your heart
remember to notice it
so that the last night doesn't go by without you noticing
and suddenly it's over and only in the sunshine do you know these things
while you pine for one more chance to lay with your loved one when night is falling
so, hold your lovers close while you're in their company

this is a plea, mostly for me, so i may remember next time i am a puzzle piece
as well, for the lovers i have held and known
who have been my comforts
and also my abrasions
i have daydreamed about the days when we were first mating
and of the love we made then
like we were scorched earth and it was raining

floating period

in the midst of an emotional experiment
won't be writing during the ups and downs
so not to confuse my readers
might change my mind tomorrow
but sometimes it is best to simply float

I didn't write this

So, anyway, there I wasJust sitting on your porchDrinking in your sweetest declineYour sweetest decline
What's the use in regretsThey're just things we haven't done yet

"Maybe... you'll fall in love with me all over again."
"Hell," I said, "I love you enough right now. What do you want to do? Ruin me?"
"Yes. I want to ruin you."
"Good," I said. "That's what I want too."

~Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms

retrospect

yes
the clams were great
but we did not hold hands
on our date
and we sat in your car
heat blaring 'til dawn
but we did not touch
no we did not touch
and these things happen
and these things happen hard

begging

please let me hate you
dominate your heart
with regret and despair
braid your hair so tight
your eyes are open wide
so you can see this
for what it is
and only that

an ode to a phone call

sobbing smiles
deja vu

what can I do?
this is no reward
for caring and laughing
boiling water as I do,
for you.

would things be different
if i kissed you?
forced you to subside
past feelings and live
presently,
finally?