Friends

"But I want to surround myself with crooked views and soft ground, to lay my head without making a sound that would break ear drums and pull away from the crowd" - Church, a flu season

http://gotochurch.bandcamp.com/

a small poem

you are
on a city bus
trying to pick up a quarter
trimmed your nails last night
why did you do that
a minute has passed
you leave the quarter
for someone else

Name Totem

            I have been practicing a guided meditation in search of my name totem (pagan) for the past couple days...the meditation leads you through the dark trunk of a tree, exploring the inner veins and arteries of the trees's body. I was lead out through a tunnel into a meadow where I sat for a while on a rock that had been carved into a chair. I sat there as the wind and the water whispered my name, releasing powerful energies. In the past I have heard my name shouted, spoken in anger, in love, in desperation...but now it was if I was hearing my name for the first time, giving it a whole new meaning. After sitting in concentration for several minutes, I explored the land, making note of physical details and waiting for my animal totem to become apparent to me. I heard my name spoken  in a strong whisper coming out of tall array of pine trees-when out of the forest came a moose, strong and graceful. I looked at it for only a moment, and then it was gone. After spending a few more moments concentrating on the moose, trying to bring the image back to me in the hope of asking it a few questions it did not return. Until I got up from the stone-chair, making my way back to the opening in the tree to return back to reality. In the entrance to the tunnel once again was the moose. I believe that this confirms the moose is my animal totem, since I saw it twice, and there were no other animals present in the meadow as far as I was aware.

          After awakening from the meditation, I was curious as to what it meant to have a moose as an animal totem so I did some research online. This is what I came across, and found very accurate and empowering. I have numbered the phrases in the explanation that I found exceptionally accurate when referring to my personal self and my interpretation can be found below.

Giant dweller of forest and marsh-land, I face a time of uncertainty. Fill me with your confidence, your wisdom. Teach me when to speak and when to be silent. Help me find a point of balance and harmony That success may be mine in honor.

Self-Esteem, 1) Primal Feminine Energies Moose is one of the most ancient of the power totems.    A Moose totem gives you sacred and unique energy.  With a Moose totem you will be full of 2)contradictions.  3)Awkward yet graceful.  Large yet able to move swiftly and silently.  Moose people usually have excellent depth perception.    Moose is also associated with the maternal forces of the world, the primal feminine energies.  This can be awaken through 4)water or the sea, the womb of life.  Mediate using the sounds of water or ocean.  5)Autumn is the power time of the Moose.  People with a Moose totem instinctively know balance: 6)when to use gentleness, when to use strength.  They know what to say, when to say it and to whom.  Moose people are usually 7)wise beyond their years. _____________

Interpretation:
1) I have always had primal feminine energies, attracted to the beating hearts of women, fulfilled by the image of a pregnant woman or the innocence and naivety of a young girl.

2)Often accused of hypocrisy, my opinions often contradict my actions- I have always been an extremist...and hard to pin in general due to my flaky opinions and ever-changing interests

3)Self explanatory if you've ever encountered me in day-to-day life.

4) The animal totem guided mediation focuses on the person's name..my name is Morgan and the meaning of my name is as follows:
-Bright sea, dwells near the sea (Celtic)
-Fighter of the sea (Irish)
-Lives by the water( Shakespearean, Welsh)

5) I am a Libra, born on October 2nd- in the fall, I am at my strongest and most confident self during the autumn months. (not to mention I look good in fall colours and layers)

6) I pride myself on good judgment- the ability to handle most situations in ethical ways-defending myself when necessary.

7)I have a wide array of life-experience for a 19 year old...I have learned a lot of lessons through my own mistakes and successes, as well as those of my loved ones. I retain advice and learn from everything that touches me.

             This is just my personal interpretation of the moose as my animal totem. I found it exceptionally interesting and would recommend this meditation to anyone that is even remotely interested in the concept. It really opens up your mind to spiritual possibilities and if anything a better understanding of your self...can't really go wrong:)

Morgan

Meditation

Find myself addicted to meditation...I have downloaded several deep meditations and will be experimenting with different ones over the next couple weeks. The list is as follows:

-Native American Flute and Shamanic Drumming (unguided meditation)
-Discover your Spirit Guide (shamanic journey)
-Deep Relaxation (shamanic drumming, unguided meditation)
-Fulfill Your Heart's Desires (guided meditation)
-Cosmic Love (guided meditation)
-Create your dream life (hypnosis)
-Secret Attractions (guided meditation)
-Discover your name totem ( pagan, guided meditation)
-Connect with your Guardian Angel ( guided mediation)


So far I have dipped into the first two on the list...and am planning on spending more time with them this week. I have found the shamanic drumming exceptionally powerful and have been doing some research on shamanic journeys for a literature presentation tomorrow. I need to strengthen my ability to deeply concentrate in order to get as much as possible from my mediation. After a few sessions of "Discovering my Spirit Guide" I was able to make out what he looked like physically, but still felt like I was merely having a conversation with myself. After doing some research I understand this is normal, the phenomenon of feeling like you are "making up" a journey. However I am told this is not a negative thing but a positive- which will ultimately lead to a deeper understanding and more successful meditation.

I will be keeping my readers posted as a continue on this journey and would love to hear feedback and maybe even shared experiences regarding meditations. Suggestions for other meditations are highly welcome so please share!

gripping

torturous tales are told as I sleep:
you face the back of the couch
and it's clear you are only half there
all my mind will give me is your
hair through my fingertips
freckles
a whisper
shouting words I hate to hear
but it's barely a nightmare
you're barely there
but i'm still gripping

Two Broke Girls Costume

My friend Lynsey and I on Halloween dressed as Max and Caroline from Two Broke Girls.
She made the costumes:
-Dress (H&M, 14.95)
-Aprons (Table cloth)
-Jewellery(Value Village)
-Lipstick (Cover Girl)